Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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