Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
