Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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