scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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