the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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