Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
