my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
