Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am mentally ready for anal.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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