I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
