Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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