Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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