smell my finger.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
