Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
