I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
