Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Randomize
