I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
