So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
