Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
