John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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