just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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