Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
