Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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