so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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