I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
