I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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