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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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