It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
