U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
