I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
