Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Alive.
So much puke
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
