What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
