Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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