sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
