I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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