So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
