We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
should my penis look like a turkey
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
