pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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