No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
