I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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