I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
