tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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