So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
