guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
