Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
