I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize