Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
