When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
