and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
