its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
