Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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