Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
