Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
