Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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