Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
