I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
