You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
