Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
