Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
