fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
