TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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